Ease

In the month that I chose to write about Ease I found myself with more un-ease than I’d felt for some time. In fact, I had several false starts at writing this because, in those moments when I tried to gather some thoughts and get some words onto a page, I would just get overwhelmed, frustrated and unable to do this topic any justice. Finally, to really hammer home my un-ease, I ended up missing my ‘deadline’.

Interestingly, this has actually been the perfect way to explore Ease… from the dark side!

Experiencing the noise and interference of stress, very recently, has reminded me how powerful it can be. A primal and chemical reaction that is woven into our lives. We can’t actually avoid stress, it truly is our nemesis.

It’s not all bad!
It is exactly what we need in an emergency when we need to step up with heightened senses and the strength of adrenaline to keep going through adversity.
It is also our protector in other ways, waking us up and making us take notice when our boundaries are being tested.
It helps us to find motivation, giving us the fight that we need as we weigh up risk and adapt to change.
We use it to drive us forward as we rise to the challenges that we encounter, channelling it into focused action as we embrace the possibilities of the new and unknown.

Unfortunately, when we have too much stress it loses its magic powers, and it starts to have unhelpful side effects.

So, what are the causes of stress?

We live in a world that is very different from those primal days where the original purpose of the Fight, Flight or Freeze response was primarily to respond to physical threat or attack.

The threats to our safety and security in these modern times come from all directions. Of course, some are still physical, but they are often far more nuanced. We are bombarded with the demands of a world that has been transformed through industrial and technological advances into a 24/7 fast paced and ever-changing landscape.  

The causes of my stress were definitely from a variety of sources. Family members looking to me for support, business related challenges, less down-time than usual, several periods of low-level illness, and the final stages of a building project on my property, with its costs rising and its timeline expanding. None of these would have been too problematic on their own, but the combination meant that I was starting to suffer from a number of very noticeable symptoms.

I was certainly less productive and really struggling to feel motivated. The bits of life that were fun just seemed like more things to add to the to do list. Even worse, I had become aware that a downwards spiral was setting in….

Torpor, which I would describe as a physical sensation of heaviness, was holding me back, a brake making it hard to even get going each morning.
Overwhelm became the norm as all the tasks that were piling up became a swirling jumble, focus became impossible, and it was hard to prioritise anything.
Assumptions about what I ‘should’ be doing or ‘couldn’t’ do found a voice, making me feel that I was being lazy or likely to fail.
Avoidance settled in as I counter-productively left the things that were more challenging in favour of those that seemed manageable easy wins, but the shadow of ‘not done yet’ just loomed larger.
Responding to immediate demands and quick fixes left me even more unable to plan ahead, distracting me from even the simple tasks.
Procrastination started to take more time as creativity, inspiration, motivation and my usual hope went into hiding!

What was the antidote? It was (of course!) EASE.
But if Ease was the answer, how could I find it in the midst of the stress storm??

Counter-intuitively I needed Time.

Time with the clear boundaries of a process that would give me a sense of stability amongst the chaos.
Time to take a breath, to notice, observe, reflect and reframe.
Time to be present as myself, in the moment, acknowledging how I felt without the judgement of others or, perhaps more importantly, of myself!
Time to bring a balance to my physical, emotional and mental well-being.

So, I made a conscious effort to build in three long slow breaths regularly throughout each day. With each out breath I imagined the tensions in my body flowing away. These were a few moments that I could take whatever was happening, wherever I was.

I also made a commitment to taking two hours each week to practice some Pilates and Tai Chi.
These activities were slow, purposeful and strengthening. They released chemicals that were soothing and calming, lifting my mood. I honoured myself, replenishing my energy and rebalancing my giving with some receiving, as others supported and held those spaces for me.

The power of the Thinking Environment really came into its own as I scheduled in some extra sessions with Thinking Partners. Infused with the underlying principle of the Positive Philosophical Choice, it reminded me that I was definitely capable of working this through, in my own way, in my own time, for the good of myself and others. It took some of the pressure off.

I relearned that all of the ten components were helping to generate Ease, an inter-relationship of conditions that addressed different aspects of my stress and allowed me to regain my balance.

The anticipation of the familiar structure of each session, my sense of Place already made me feel a little more at Ease.

I could trust in the process which has proved time and again to be a source of respite and replenishment. The Ease modelled by my Thinking Partners radiated a restorative calm and the promise of uninterrupted Attention without distractions, helped me to release some of my internal tension, almost by osmosis!

Within the reliable boundaries, structure and focus of the Thinking Environment I found enough psychological safety to take a look at my fractured state of mind. My Feelings came to the surface and were released, along with some tears.

Tensions in my body started to melt away as my Thinking Partners remained calm and still. They did not try to show their sympathy, rescue me, or infantilise me, instead they offered me the Encouragement that I needed to stay with those difficult thoughts, knowing that the release would help me to find more Ease.

I downloaded all the initial surface clutter as my anxious thoughts and feelings tumbled out and lost their power. I started to find some perspective, clarifying the things that I could control and those that I couldn’t. Information gave me some balance to counteract the extremes of the emotional rollercoaster. I stopped giving myself a hard time as I recognised the root causes of my stress.

I had a look at those untrue and limiting assumptions that I can find myself triggered back into when I find myself under too much pressure. I drew on some of the Incisive Questions that have helped me with those old patterns, through other difficult times, and liberated myself with more healthy and credible assumptions.

If I knew that… other people can take care of themselves; I can limit my offers of time; I can put myself first; I can say no! ….how could I feel more at Ease?

I remembered that I can live with authenticity, strengthening my own boundaries and in a Thinking Environment I was better able to look into the mirror and to recognise my Difference and that of others. My stuff and their stuff!
It stimulated a greater self-awareness and response-ability.
My priorities became clearer. I understood that I was learning an awful lot out of my experiences and realised that I did have coping strategies and was able to deepen them.

Appreciation from my Thinking Partners helped my spirits to rise, a warm glow that helped to nourish me and build back my confidence and self-belief.

My Thinking Partners took their turns and aired their thoughts, with equal authenticity, and the Equality of that process allowed me to recognise that I was not alone. We all have challenges and stresses to face, but we can also have the guarantee of a space in which we accept and support each other. Putting aside my stresses and being there for somebody else, leaning into the three streams of attention, (thinkers content, my response and awareness of holding the ten components), helped me to tap into that mindful state where we access the source of Ease, cultivated as part of this practice.

One of the most telling moments, once the darkness had lifted, the chemicals had levelled out and some neural space became available, was the moment of creativity and inspiration that arrived. Writing became, not only possible, but a joy, full of rich connections!

When I think about Ease from the bright side of my experience, I remember that life is always shifting and moving. Challenge and change are pretty much a constant. Ease actually comes from recognising that there are cycles and processes. We are always somewhere in our process, so we need to build an awareness of where we are, observing ourselves so that we can gain perspective. Experience, observation and reflection are our friends as we learn to embody Ease more.

When we accept the ebb and flow of Ease as a state of being, we can embrace the necessity of setting boundaries, building coping strategies and practicing them regularly. If we can embed the foundations and nourish the healthy habits of Ease during the quieter times, we already have some protection and a growing capability to overpower our nemesis for another day!

What is one small step that you can take today that will help you to feel more at Ease?