Appreciation

As all Thinking Cultures members know, appreciation is one of the ten components of a Thinking Environment. We really appreciate it (see what I did there?) and build it in as often as we can. It builds trust and belonging, and I have always believed that we can find something to appreciate about every human being we encounter, especially in a Thinking Environment space as these do not tend to attract murderous psychopaths. 

I’ve been reflecting on the past (nearly) three decades of Thinking Environment practice and realising that appreciation has been a sticking point quite often when I’ve worked with teams. Even before I began my training, the culture I worked in closed every meeting with an appreciation round. I remember walking away from the first of these alongside someone who was grumbling that they couldn’t stand saying nice things about colleagues they disliked.

But that’s not the point. You don’t have to like everyone you work with, but life is going to be difficult for everyone, including you, if you don’t find something to appreciate, which will allow you to work with someone you dislike, with respect. The consistent, persistent and intentional practice of appreciation is how we learn to get along better at work.

It needs to be set up properly. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said, “Seven words or less!” only to find that no-one can count. Appreciation should be succinct. We are just not programmed to listen to loads of guff, no matter how well-intentioned it is. Seven words is a good rule of thumb.

Appreciation should also be sincere. And it needs to be meaningful. If all you can find to appreciate about a person is their earrings then it’s on you. Digging deep into what Brené Brown calls “generous assumptions” is a helpful practice. 

Finally, appreciation needs to be specific. “I really appreciated your kind comment the other day” means that people know what it is that they are doing well for others, even if they didn’t remember it themselves (and maybe especially so!) 

I once had the experience of someone refusing to appreciate me in a Thinking Environment, because they “didn’t do appreciation”. It was crushing and although it was ten years ago I still remember it with a deep blush of shame (not mine, no, but I felt it as mine). Build it in and you’ll begin to build something special in a million microjoys. But set it up properly. You need to be clear about the rationale and expectations before you can ask anyone to risk their vulnerability in this way.