Attention
How often in this fast paced world can you truly say that you have the full attention of the people that you interact with? In fact it is so rare, that when you first encounter that quality of attention, it can actually feel quite disconcerting! It takes the rigour and reliability of the Thinking Environment to ensure that you feel safe enough to explore what happens when you are encouraged, appreciated and offered the ease to think for yourself, without interruption or judgement, whilst being bathed in that catalytic, liberating, generative attention.
As a Thinker, once you have a taste for it, you wonder how you ever managed without it!
I would say that it is just as rare that we find ourselves giving that kind of attention. Most of our traditional listening skills training has a focus on the ability to pay attention (of course!), but we are often required to effectively interpret what other people are saying and then show them that we understand. This could be through our body language, our repetition of phrases or words, or asking questions to help people to focus on getting to the heart of their issues. We are being expected to convey our own thinking skills and expertise to the person we are listening to.
But, in my opinion, whilst we are working it all out on behalf of the thinker, we are actually distracted, which prevents us from giving authentic, fully focused, generative attention.
When I teach the Thinking Environment I ask you to start afresh.
Let’s unlearn some stuff and consider things from a fresh perspective!
When we are doing our own thinking we have no idea where our own thoughts are going next, in which case, how can we possibly guess at where someone else’s thinking will go, let alone interpret and advise someone on what they should think or do?
We can only truly see things through the lens of our own lived experience, so what makes us think that we can get inside the immense complexity of another person's nature and nurture, or assess their readiness for change?
We do know that people are far more motivated when they have ownership of their own outcomes, so will our solutions be better for them?
How can we know what someone is thinking if they are silent with their thoughts or writing things down, or speaking in their first language because it helps them to think more clearly?
What if we became really interested in the process of independent thinking instead?
What if we believed that people can work things out for themselves?
What if we became experts in giving generative attention, without interruption?
So to be fully present with your thinker… take a moment to remove all distractions… find a position to sit with ease and stillness… take three long slow breaths… and with each out breath… let go of the tensions in your mind and body… invite their independent thinking with the offer of an open question... follow with genuine interest and curiosity the waves and pauses of their beautiful stream of thought… and believe that they can work it all out for themselves when they are ready.
It takes some practice, and I think that in many ways it is an exercise in mindfulness, that helps you to remain focused and present… an interplay between the three streams of attention… content, response and the promise of holding the Thinking Environment.